The End of the World, Zombieland and Slingblade

Are we still here? Okay, good. Maybe we have a few minutes before it all begins. But if it does while you are reading this, never fear! MY message will stay alive forever on Al Gore’s Internet and maybe Jodi Foster can use it when she makes “contact”.

According to some nut job–Harold Camping, he has decided today the end of the world (as we know it) is upon us.

Let me explain.

In quoting our friend, Karl Childers from the movie Slingblade: I learned to read some. I read the Bible quite a bit. I can’t understand all of it, but I reckon I understand a good deal of it…

It all has to do with you religious views and an unlimited data plan on your iPhone and you can nail it down right to the day on when the world will end as we know it.

Here it goes:

11,013 BC—Creation. God created the world and man (Adam and Eve).

4990 BC—The flood of Noah’s day. All perished in a worldwide flood. Only Noah, his wife, and his 3 sons and their wives survived in the ark (6023 years from creation).

7 BC—The year Jesus Christ was born (11,006 years from creation).

33 AD—The year Jesus Christ was crucified and the church age began (11,045 years from creation; 5023 calendar years from the flood).

1988 AD—This year ended the church age and began the great tribulation period of 23 years (13,000 years from creation).

1994 AD—On September 7th, the first 2300-day period of the great tribulation came to an end and the latter rain began, commencing God’s plan to save a great multitude of people outside of the churches (13,006 years from creation).

2011 AD—On May 21st, Judgment Day will begin and the rapture (the taking up into heaven of God’s elect people) will occur at the end of the 23-year great tribulation. On October 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire (7000 years from the flood; 13,023 years from creation).

Some are even calling this Judgement day the Zombie Apocalypse. 

What about the Mayans? They predicted the end of the world down to the minute: 11:11 am on December 21, 2012. I have my iPhone alarm set to go off with a reminder at 11:10 am.  At least I will have a little fore-warning.

Wait, is that Eastern Time, Mountain Time, Alaska Time? What if I am in Arizona and they don’t participate in Daylight Savings Time? I had better do as the TV always says and “check for local listings”…

My only question is: What if you are Agnostic? Most will think if you are, your world has already ended…