Mr. Neilsen, Big Brother and Al Gore

Well, that’s it. Either Big Brother is watching me, or I am updating my viewing habits on iPhone apps like Into_Now too much, or I can finally quote my favorite movie scene of all time:

The other day I got a large packet in the mail from none other than Mr. Nielsen himself. Yep, that guy! The guy that wants to know what you are watching on T.V. and report back to him.

Why do they want this you ask?

So they can keep shows like Murder She Wrote and American Idol on FOREVER even though no SANE person in the world would ever get passed one episode.

By dancing with the devil (otherwise known as Mr. Neilsen) we are forced to acknowledge that C.B.S. really is the “nations #1 network.”

How can it be when most of the nation is watching repeats of Family Guy on Cartoon Network and shows that get paid by the all important baby-boomer generation.

That’s right. It all comes down to money and what they call DEMOGRAPHICS. No, that is not a high school class that is taught by Bill Clinton. It is a way to measure people by an age group by what they spend (at least in the case of Mr. Nielsen) at Super Walmart.

How do they know what we spend?

It works this way:

  1. A viewer is picked by Mr. Neilsen, just liked me.
  2. These viewers then record our T.V. watching habits in what they call “viewer diaries”.
  3. In some cases they send out cool set top boxes that record and send over Al Gore’s Internet to his Big Brother. I guess they do this so we, that are the chosen one’s, don’t cheat. I mean would we really write down in our little diaries that we are watching “Girls Gone Wild” or secretly addicted to a certain morning news program featuring an anchor on a national news network, named Robin?

But wait there is more! Mr. Neilsen sent me something else in that packet. CASH. yep, that’s right. Cold-Hard-Cash.

Two good ole’ American George Washington Dollar Bills so crisp they are sure to glide easily into one of those vending machines at the laundry mat.

I am not going to spend them however. I am going to scribble some signature on them and hang them up in my dog training school like a lot of folks do for the first dollar they earn. Sorry to say my first dollar was in the form of a check!

So, at least I know now that all the rumors are true; Al Gore and his Big Brother DO watch our every move and also know that I must change my viewing habits on T.V. especially if they send me one of those set top boxes.