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WalMart

Walmart Layaway

September 16, 2014 by robertforto Leave a Comment

 

It’s that time of year again. Walmart layaway!

Just when you thought it was safe to shop on every other day of the year EXCEPT that Friday after you have gorged yourself on bird, the worlds largest retailer has brought back memories of Christmas past when you could load up a cart and take it to the back of the store and pay with change you found in the couch. Well, at least figuratively.

I remember those days back in the 1970s when my mom loaded us kids up in the family truckerster and head across the river to the K-Mart store in Chesapeake, Ohio.

It was a day trip back then. It wasn’t a quick stop to the neighborhood corporate behemoth like it is today. We would almost always go with the Dunn’s from down the street…

Ah, the Dunn’s. Dovie, the mom of the clan reminds me of Janis Joplin in bellbottom cords and flip-flops. Greasy, dirty (and I mean dirty) blonde hair and breath that reeked of Virginia Slims. Her husband Scott terrified me. When I went over to “play” he was always laying on a flowered davenport encased in fabric so rough it would give you rug burn. He would lay there in his cut-off jeans shorts and nothing else. He would prop one of those tall, glass bottles of Pepsi on his wide girth of a belly.

I was smitten with Michelle. Mitchy to her friends and forlorn prepubescent suitors like me. She was a year older than I and looked like Marcia Brady to me. Well, not really. She always had a rats-nest of hair that seemed to always be tangled and she wore terry cloth sorts and tube tops and sandals with socks pulled to her knees.

Then there was Cathy. This little girl was three or four years my junior, about the same age as my brother, Ryan. This girl had a set of lungs on her like you wouldn’t believe. Every time I met her she would round the corner at the top of the stairs and start to cry that would lather into a scream. Within minutes she would embattle herself under the dining room table amongst a gaggle of half eaten Frito’s, long forgotten Legos and brussel sprout or two. She would stay there until we were long gone.

This was in West Virginia. Yes, that place. Does that not explain things? No? You have never been there then.

Back to the K-Mart adventure. As we entered this fotress of solitude, bookmarked by Waldenbooks and a Radio Shack, we entered into a world only known by those of the middle class with little discretionary income. In the 70s it was a big deal to get out. It was an even bigger deal to have to traverse the unknowns and cross state lines to get there. As we grabbed our buggy, that’s what my mom always called them, us kids scattered like flies with mom or Dovie screaming, “meet us at the cafeteria for lunch in an hour!”

Amongst omnipresent announcements of blue light specials and Victoria Principal displays, us kids grabbed toys, school supplies, jeans made in China, toothbrushes, car batteries, and bags of those disgusting orange peanut candies, onward as we rushed towards the cafeteria for lunch.

At the back of the store we all unloaded our arms of schwag into the buggies and headed around the maze of barriers to the serving line. The cafeteria was a destination when we went to K-Mart. Only on the most special occasions (ie. layaway day) would we get to eat in those hallowed halls.

I would always order the same thing: a burger with mayo and shredded lettuce. With that I would get a cold order of fries and a 16 ounce drink I still had to hold with two hands. As lunch ensued we would disgorge our experiences of the morning shopping extravaganza and patiently wait until all finished their meals.

After lunch we would head over to the layaway desk. In reality it was just a doorway on the back wall, and the clerk in her smock would tally up our wares and collect a meager deposit from mom.

As I look back on our K-Mart layaway experiences it is a funny thing. I do not ever recall ever seeing those purchases we so diligently collected again. I don’t know if they were lost in the vast warehouse in the back of the store or they just never made it home because mom didn’t have money to retrieve them from the Big K. I guess its sort of like binge drinking in college. You know what’s going on when you go in, you know what’s happening for a period of time while its going on, but you just don’t have all the facts when you are done. But, boy it sure was fun!

I think mom might of tipped the clerk-in-the-smock to just push the kids purchases aside. “We won’t be needing those,” she would whisper under her breath and she whisked away an errant feathered bang, pointing to the cap guns, matchbox cars and yes that 12-volt car battery.

So I guess I have truly come full circle. Just the other day I walked into Wally-World and headed to the back of the store. I summoned a blue-smocked clerk, who I assume was working for the company only for its generous dental insurance benefits, and asked for some help. I left empty handed but something with my name on it was left to go “in the back.”

I just hope that by December 15th I have the cash…

Have you ever used layaway? Tell us your experiences.

 

Filed Under: Alaska, Daily Post, Fortos Fort Tagged With: Christmas, Kmart, Layaway, WalMart

The Daily Post: Bottled Water–Please!

April 12, 2011 by robertforto Leave a Comment

Picture this: A middle aged lady exits a mini van wearing a Moo Moo and those cheap, dime store flip flops that go “clack, clack, clack” with every step, heads into the local WalMart with an adult sized sippie cup–big enough to require a water boy–filled to the brim with ice cold, refreshing water!

You know you have seen this exact same thing…

But for some reason we all have to have that bottle of water, don’t we?

They say–I think it was the Surgeon General–that we MUST drink 64 ounces of water every day for optimum health. I  can tell you this much, the last time I drank 64 ounces of water was when I needed to take a drug test at the doctor’s office. Other than that I am lucky to drink SIX ounces of water a day and I am pretty dang healthy.

Think about it:

Head to the local grocery store and you see an entire aisle dedicated to bottled water. It is is every shape and size package that you can think of. If you are not at the grocery you can by it at the 7-11, the Circle K, the AM-PM, and even a dedicated vending machine that sells it for over a buck.

What ever happened to water fountains or possibly turning on the hose on a summer day like we did when we were kids?

No way— we are all pansy a**es now and that hose may have germies on it!

Bottled water is now the SECOND largest beverage (in terms of sales) in the United States. Lagging only to soft-drinks.

In an economy where we can’t afford to buy Pampers for our kids why are we throwing our money away on a free resources? Wait a minute, let me correct myself–Pampers–that is a rant for another day…

Last year we bought 200 BILLION liters of bottled water, worldwide.

So when I see the lady heading into the WalMart I just want to grab her and scream, “Do you know that between the place you just left and where ever it is you are going there will be water!”

Heck, you might even be able to go in and ask for a glass of water for FREE.

Lady, you can make it! You will make it though your discount store extravaganza. This isn’t the desert. This isn’t even Phoenix.

You get into your fancy van with Sponge Bob on the DVD player blaring in the back seat and the kid isn’t even there. He’s at day care–I think you can make it without an Evian!

For all intents and purposes we are spending billions of dollars on a drink that doesn’t even have a taste. Water is water. It isn’t supposed to taste like anything. That’s why we invented Kool Aid.

I’ll drink water out of a hose– I’m saving my money for Stranahan’s.

Robert Forto | Team Ineka | Alaska Dog Works | Mushing Radio | Dog Works Radio | Denver Dog Works | Daily Post

___________________

Robert Forto is a musher training for his first Iditarod under the Team Ineka banner and the host of the popular radio shows, Mush! You Huskies and Dog Works Radio Shows


Filed Under: Daily Post, Robert Forto Tagged With: bottled water, postaday2011, rants and raves, robert forto, WalMart

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